A Toast

Ive always wanted to record the details of a relationship, to remember it all, in written form, to account for bad memory. It would be fantastic to have the best moments written down to so they can be recalled word for word, milestones, walls broken down. Great feelings and experiences. To be able to call back on it vividly as i knew it in the moment would make for a great toast at a wedding should all progress to such.

February 18th 2011. We spent time outside of work for the first time. Watched 2 movies and had a great time. some inside jokes created over office space and the movie Belly.. now she cant help but refer to me as Micheal Bolton.. as much as it drives me nuts i love it still. While massaging her neck, which under normal circumstances would be against her boundaries due to, a past i wont divulge, i got past that emotional wall of hers due to a gentle healing touch that conveyed comfort to her. I held her hand for some time afterward, between her funny looks toward me over this, and laughing as we cant help but do ANYTIME we are together, I got some warmth, feeling and a strong enough understanding as to how beautiful a person she is in every way that a person can be.

Once I got home I told her as much over the phone. Verbatim isn't possible now, but closely as follows. I feel, you are truly a beautiful person in all ways one can be beautiful. You've had a hard time of life yet regret nothing-knowing it makes you stronger. You put your daughter before yourself to give her a life and love you've never had. While it may be hard to believe, as you've never been told it before and don't see it yourself, You are indeed that which I see in you. I ask for only the chance for us, and the time to prove it to you.

She said yes

February 19 2011. I guilt tripped her to coming over to my place (not really) this time, so she could repay the massage... I was hurting from a 12 hour shift. I made her breakfast. I turned to jello under the effect of her hands on me during the message. I wasn't over come with emotional transference this time either. No pain or suffering. I don't know if this is because she hides it as well as I did in the past. I have honestly succeeded in channeling my whole past experiences of pain and suffering of myself and others into a positive sense of self assurance and attitude. I have nothing to show her but calm, gentle warmth and love of life. She met my mom, the pit bull, and the kittens. all is good. She wants to steal/adopt the pit with consent, or at least breed it for pups. She gets along with mom, basically cause she gave me crap in front of her and mom eats that up. whatever puts her son in his place :)

February 20th.. she had this whole weekend off. I however had none of it off, but after work she invited me over, a 3am text I got at 6am as leaving work. Come on over, doors unlocked, if I'm sleeping wake me up. To find her in bed, waking her gently. Laying there talking quietly with her, holding her hand while in too gentle a state to laugh or be silly.. I really got a feel for her without distraction. We mirror each other in one greatness. A greatness that starts in both our souls and transfers, only making it better. My hands cold from the drive in a freezing car to her place, chilling and soothing the skin of her arm at first, then holding hands while she is still half asleep and comfortable. She is at ease with me and pulls my hand across her belly holding it close. Caressing her arm with my other hand, emotions get the best of us both, she shares with me the feeling and I my own with her through touch, unspoken but felt by both. Eventually I change positions while laying aside her in bed though on top the comforter. I run my hand ever so gently through her hair, and across her cheeks. Tracing her jaw line with my finger tips. leading up to her ear, pushing her hair behind the ear. Leaning my nose to her cheek, her lips fluttered.

As I continue I notice her wetting her lips. I cannot help but brush my own against her temple and then cheek. She continues the subconscious actions preparing for what seems inevitable. I delay it further, wanting to be sure I am not pushing to fast. Then we kiss for the first and certainly not the last time. Tender and warm, I can remember no kiss before it now. In the time that follows we become as comfortable with each other as two can be. I asked her to describe that time and feeling in only one word. She chooses Comfortable, something profound for her as she trusts no man until now. I choose perfect... The simple pleasures in life are the most prolific and the most meaningful. While what follows in the future will also be wonderful and special in their own right, laying on the couch watching fish, enjoying each others company, a kiss, a hug, embracing one another like it is the first and last time every time, never wanting to leave each others reach.. These times are wonderful. That night before I left for work, a snow storm had set in and she even went so far as to ask my to stop by just so she could come outside and kiss me in the snow.