A reason to smile each day, comes hand in hand with a reason why I frown. It is a welcome moment to lose myself in thoughts of things i want. To imagine possibilities that would bring a light to this life of darkness. I even catch myself feeling as if I will achieve these desires.

That is where the smile turns. Reality is as cold as a snow covered mountain sheered by brutal winds. They whip and lash me back to a past that makes me helpless but to know it's the present i live as well. One of waking from a dream where there is a bright beacon of a woman beside me and as i reach out, i grasp hold of nothing, only to open my eyes to find I am reaching out to the empty side of the bed, staring at a blank wall.

It is a nightmare that consumes me once I wake. Will hope prevail and carry me into the future, to a point where stars align and the timing is right, to find what i seek, or it it just a double edged sword i walk hilt to tip, the farther I tread the deeper i'm cut.